Fear Is The Heart Of Love

Oh hello.

Because I was so bored that I could even watch paint dry... I decided to make pumpkin cookies.

Now, I rarely eat pumpkin cos my family cooks it as a savory dish for dinner when pumpkin is naturally sweet and I have this OCD where I hate it when people mix savory and sweet stuff together. So ba chor mee and ketchup is a cardinal sin. Along with savory pumpkin and pasta with ketchup (WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!)

And after today I have decided that pumpkins should only be used as a dessert.

Before I start, this is the reason why you should never bring your phone along with you to the kitchen.

I was trying to puree pumpkin when this happened. Oops.

Piped nutella the lazy way (with a ziploc bag heh) over the cookies.

The end result was really fragrant. The mix of nutmeg and cinnamon brought out the delicate flavour of the pumpkin (something pumpkin+ dried shrimp and garlic can't do pfft) and the fibre in the pumpkin made the cookie oh so fluffly that it had more of a cake texture rather than that of a cookie. And I am a sucker for soft cookies nomz.

This guy was placed too close to the edge of the baking tray but being the tough cookie he is, he still turned out well. *ba dum tss* #punny

A close up. You can see how the pumpkin turned the cookie a shade of ghastly yellow. And of course, note the texture!

Will end the post here abruptly because I'm still not good with endings.

Fail Whale

Apparently my attempt to revive my blog only lasted for a week. hur hur hur

Extreme Makeover

My brother was complaining that his hair was too long (he's still p4 so still super guai la) and he needed a haircut pronto. However it was already a Sunday night and school starts tomorrow. So a sister's got to do what a sister's got to do- I introduced him to the world of styling his hair.

Before: (ok fine, I'll choose a flattering photo of him)

Imagine his hair being like 2cm longer. OKAY RIGHT?! But he's a good kiddo and wants his regular haircuts so he won't get into trouble.

After:

I basically gave him a side part (NOTHING MUCH LA. Just me being bored, entertain me can?) and I swear it looked more textured and tousled in real life and not helmet-ish like in the photo. There was this point of time where his hair looked exactly like Hitler's heh heh heh.

His verdict? It was a standard answer, the kinds you'll see in all makeover reviews: "I look so much younger."

My entire family cracked up. Seriously?!? You look so much younger?! You don't say!

A photo of him looking all model like uh uh siol. (Actually he was just watching kungfu panda and I think something happened, hence his expression.)

I am such a lovely sister :')

2:18AM

It's 2:18AM right now and I don't dare to sleep.

I've experienced this last night and the night before. Recently my dreams have been so weird that they scare me just so much. Eg: Finding a dehydrated/ mummified body in the air con unit at my old place. And the thing about dreams is that they just feel so real, but then again they can get so fantastical that deep inside of you just go "wtf is happening? this is so weird. I' sure this is a dream"

I used to love sleeping so much :(

K time check- 2:22AM. Goodnight folks, wish me luck.

Bluebird- Charles Bukowski

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?

Choking on your alibis

This= not enough make up according to Maz/ Mas/ forgot how to spell her name.

Nails have to be 2mm long, either nude, french manicured or with a simple top coat.

Minimium 4 colours of eye shadow, visible blush and lip colour that has to be constantly touched up, false lashes (MUST be from Shu Uemura), hair to be tied up, neat yet sophisicated and NO baby hair.

Thank goodness this job is only a short term one :\ Think I'll have to wake up an hour (or two) earlier so I have ample time to put on my war paint and get my hair ready.

Complaints aside, this job is pretty cool. Worth the experience!

Some days stay gold forever.

Countdown @ USS.

I swear I had the best time of my life there. It was the perfect way to end a shitty year (shitty would actually be an understatement.)

BTW folks, Transformers is damn epic. Like really good. Just forget about your lame rides and head towards Transformers, it's totally worth your waiting time! We loved it so much that we took it twice. At 11:55pm ++ we were still waiting for the ride and came out of the ride at 11:59PM. We were so afraid that we would spend the countdown with Optimus Prime ._. but nope, we still had a minute to spare so we all sprinted out to catch the fireworks. Got a real shitty view but it as okay, cos the people I was with already made up for it :>

Spent the night at Festive Hotel, courtesy of Liying's mum!

It's been years and it's very heartening that we're still so close. Like hello, the guys can even bathe together claiming that they've seen everything that there is to be seen and they're already sick of it (?!? wtf lol)

I will never trade them for ANYTHING in the world.

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And I threw us into the flames

Scaring little kids since 1993.

Dyed my hair! This was taken after midnight. I was damn tired cos I experienced insomnia the night before (this bad boy has been causing me to sleep after 5++ every night/ day) yet I still went out with just... 3 hours of sleep T^T

Shopped with Nicholas P. and fully utilized the post Christmas sales because I am realllly tight on cash. (Fuck you people who think I'm freaking loaded and have unlimited cash and am damn spoilt and would refuse to associate myself with people of a lower income group (?!) than I am because I am not like that at all. If you don't know me well, at least make the effort to try to do so) It will hopefully get better when once I start work :( I am not a spendthrift but I really have a soft spot for heels but I think my parents will kill me if I buy another pair home. Consolation: my wedges always seem to spoil after < 5 times of wearing them out so I need to get a new pair soon :> (when I have the $$$)

Meanwhile, I have been baking. So much so that my oven kinda got slightly cranky and my parents are scounting for a new one. Hey it isn't my fault okay, the oven is definitely older than I am.

1. Hoddeok (Korean sweet pancake with sugar+ cinnamon+ walnuts.)

Was craving for them so badly. These fellas are so common along the streets of Korea and they are super comforting when eaten during winter *@^#%@ someone take me back to Korea now.

Thank you Google for the recipe so I can recreate a slice of Korea in my own kitchen :')

2. Kumquat mochi

I orginally wanted to make Strawberry mochi (ichigo daifuku) so one day night while on one of my evening runs (hah I hardly do that now after hearing the story about the pontianak around my area. FYI my place is just like twilight zone at night. Freaking ulu) I ran to shop n save without my contacts (big mistake) just to look for strawberries but NO. Only in some god forsaken place like the shop n save in my area fails to carry strawberries. So I decided to improvise and got... kumquats.

At first I held them up and was like... what the heck are these? I figured that they'll taste orangey so I bought two boxes of it. Besides, it'll be nice to try something new.

Went home (damn hard to run with 2 boxes of fruits zzz) so while I was on my way home, I called A and had some good advice about some.. complicated issues and it was the night of the lunar eclipse! Left me feeling a tad nostalgic cos I remember watching the eclipse together with my grandmother as a kid in her garden :')

Anyways, did some research and found damn little kumuat recipes online. The only one I found comprised of candied kumquats stuffed with white bean paste. I reached the candiet kumquat stage (boiling+ adding sugar) and found the taste freaking repulsive.

Tasted too artifical for my liking and by then it was already 3am. My body clock was still slightly normal so I gave up and went to sleep.

The next day I tried something really different. Sliced, deseeded the kumquats and soaked them in rum then coated them in chocolate.

And then I mochified it.

The end result? Chewy mochi with a burst of sunshine in it. Best impromtu recipe ever. Will be doing this again!

3) Chocolate Cupcakes. Boring *yawn*

4) Played with fondant that I bought from Phoon Huat.

Made roses :> Had to do them in my bedroom with the aircon at 19 degrees? Or was it slightly higher? The humidity in Singapore sucks la.

My mum ordered a cake for her CG and I wanted to stay on the safe side, so I decided to make a vanilla buttercake. Threw in a few green tea swirls because I am impulsive just like that (at times)

The end product. Notice that the fondant isn't smooth at all. Or that the pearls aren't straight. Sorry la was damn tired+ had to rush off for a job interview!

5) Mini cupcakes.

They were so small that I had to use a syringe to fill them. (Yes, it was sterile!)

XS and M cupcake.

XL. This guy was 9cm wide. Lol look at the buttercream and think of the calories. (Buttercream is essentially sugar+ butter+ food colouring and maybe flavouring. Bleargh)

6) Chocolate chip cookies

7) Roast Chicken for Christmas dinner

8) Gingerbread village

All these in less than a month.

I am sick of the smell of butter and sugar already.

K this post turned out longer than I expected. Hope you guys aren't bored.

Shall end this post with an omgwthbbq cute photo

K bye folks. Till next time.

Love

"I don't see why people bother to care about anything. All it does is hurt you in the end. All you did was make me like you and now I wish I never did because I don't want to miss you. I spend my whole fucking life missing people. I'm never going to like anybody again."

"You're right there. It does hurt. Loving people always does hurt. It's part of the deal, I think."

"It hurts too much. It isn't worth it. I'm never going to like anybody again. Then I don't have to worry."

I watched him huddled on the floor of the closet. "Yes, Tom,  you're right about that too. If you never love anybody, you'll never have a broken heart. But Tom, that's not what hearts were made for."

Somebody Else's Kids by Torey Hayden

I have a feeling that I posted this quote before but screw it- this is how I'm feeling right now. Life is so temporal and nothing is ever permanent. People will definitely go (either prematurely or naturally). And what's the point of loving when you will definitely have your heart broken in the end?! It doesn't even make sense.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Humans are such complex beings. We're all wired in a way to cause destruction to ourselves. We were all born to love and we cannot live without love. Infants will die without tender loving care or the warmth and love of someone's physical touch. But then again, this love can also be our very downfall.

Piece by piece

Raya 2011

Now that I'm officially 18, it just means that I have officially screwed up 18 years of my life.

All downhill from here.